there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
