so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
