at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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