Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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