We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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