That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
