I just threw up on my dentist
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
