im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
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