no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
oh god the rape fog is back!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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