Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
