Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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