got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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