just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Please don't give away my fajitas
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
