I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
