Define "chronic" masturbator.
I cockslap morals
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
