Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
