i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
