If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
