three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I am midnight drunk by noon
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
