Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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