I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize