Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
