So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
