Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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