it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
