DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
