I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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