What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
