I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
