you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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