I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
