remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
