we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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