Ambien. No doubt about it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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