An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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