Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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