i jhust puked up my retainher.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
