I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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