bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
