WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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