You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Pooping to opera.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
