Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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