TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
