did you get engaged???
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
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Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
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There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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