I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
