also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
