what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Pants are for mortals
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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