im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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