her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
