Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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