I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize