i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
