Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
