I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
