You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
