Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
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The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
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I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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