the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i drank out of a bidet.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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