And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
