So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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