glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
