I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
