Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
