dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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