Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
